I prefer smacking the ball back and forth on the tennis court with a friend than competing for a point. Up until now, this avoidance of competition has stayed with me my entire life. Once a year, gardenista, a subset of remodelista.com runs a contest. I don’t know if it was impulsiveness or stupidity, but I uploaded six images, wrote 50 words and entered. Ever since than I’ve regretted it, big time.
A couple of sleepless nights later, I decided to research the cause of my uneasiness. “Unconscious fear of failure saps the will to win by distorting perceptions and causing competitors to hesitate to compete, procrastinate, lie to themselves, blame others, fail to finish tasks and panic on the verge of victory.” The Winner’s Mind by Allen Fox.
Yeah, that little paragraph from Allen Fox, pretty much sums up what was bothering me. I hadn’t panic on “the verge of victory.” More like I was afraid of the lack of victory. Just like sending emails you regret later, the ability to click and send had removed doubt, indecision and reluctance.
I realized one thing. Writing this blog has had unintended consequences. When my website was designed, I felt having a blog was mandatory. Over the years, writing this blog has surprisingly built confidence. I thank all my readers. Change comes in strange ways.